Saturday, October 23, 2010

Cleansing

This week I gave myself the mission of "cleansing" the closet I refer to as my art closet. I was ruthless with the cleansing. I opened portfolios from college...and unearthed artwork I hadn't touched in YEARS. There was so much, and some of it I was proud of, some of it was crap. But the strongest emotion was the desire to purge myself and my space of those things that reeked of the past. There were many drawings of past boyfriends and I could feel my flesh wanting to hold on to those because they were something I could hold up as evidence that my talent is REAL.

But the past is the past. And really, WHY am I holding on to that? What is it doing besides collecting dust and creating weight for me to carry? It was good and real and valuable at the time. And now it was rotting and I want the creative space in my head and heart and living space CLEAR and FREE and FRESH!!!

When I dumped the huge folder of artwork and paper and dust and hard work into the dumpster...I could FEEL the breaking off of connections and ties and it was invigorating. And I could FEEL the sadness and the loss for a minute.

I love a clutter free space, and that certainly made me happy. But most of all, the lifting of heaviness that I didn't even know I was carrying around? That feeling I can't explain...

I could dig into and process that whole experience for a month.

Here's to purging. Often. :)




1 comment:

littlebitesoflife said...

There's something about this statement I can identify with in my musical world.

"I could feel my flesh wanting to hold on to those because they were something I could hold up as evidence that my talent is REAL."

It's not going back to the past that will help re-ignite the creativity, it's living in the present and moving forward with the way the expression looks now. Maybe I need to purge my old piano books.